Tizzy Bac~~~我想你会变成这样都是我害的

有天 姑姑问起我一些社会现象 让我反思了很久

其中我想到了现在我们的压力来自于哪里 最多的是来自与peer pressure至少我这么认为

看到自己的同窗和好朋友都多少有份稳定的工作 而且结婚的结婚 生子的生子
看到比自己小的妹妹都已经找到很好的工作 开始自立


有时候夜深人静的时候 我会有感觉自己是很失败的人 回想起来我的时光

对我目前来说工作可以在近一年的解决，而结婚还要等待我确定找到那个对的人

妈妈经常鼓励我 支持我 今天我和她谈起这个问题 她给我的短信时这样的：

"现在说失败是世俗眼光,是对自己的不公正评价"

这在很大程度上鼓舞了我

回想我的时光，我又感觉我有很多为自己骄傲和感动的事情。
虽 然我到了美国的第一年在别人看来好像是浪费时间，因为好多人都告诉我早毕业早找工作，但是我还是花了一年的事情去学习商业 英语，一方面是为了明白自己真正擅长什么，一方面是把语言变成我的技能。这一年时间，我没有白费，我的英语飞速提高，我的人际关系网络飞速扩大，虽然我最 终没有能继续在乔治城读书，因为资金问题。我却把这一年变成了我人生记录上相当辉煌的一年。我见到了我的偶像Carly Fiorina.我见到了安南，我见到了巴菲特 ， 我从一个说英语坑坑巴巴的人变成用英语辩论的好手。我为风险投资当顾问。我帮助教授研究中国银行改革（多谢华大勇和孙薇的帮助）。我认识了NPR的著名主 播并成为了很好的朋友。我结交了世界各国的优秀人才，我碰到了我的泰国哥哥。

我从来都认为花父母的钱有多么不易，父母都是公务员，母亲虽然身居要职但清廉一身。虽然他们从来都支持我，从不让我操心钱的问题，但是我从来都想尽办法自己赚取费用。幸运的是 我一直能够保持一定的收入，免去了他们过分的劳苦。

自从来到了美国，我深深地认识到，一个人的独立，如果不能在经济上独立，那就是空谈。虽然我深知，这也不可能偿还父母给我的一切，但至少他们能够对我放心。

我 没有选择找工作大热门专业去学，是因为我深深地知道自己并不在行，也没有激情。在大量的人才竞争中，我根本不可能做最好的。还有我身上从父辈上流淌的基 因，告诉我要时刻对社会负责，对大家小家负责。我很高兴我选择了public policy这个专业，也学到了社会各个方面的东西和知识。我也通过自己的努力在国际会议上发言了，得到了专家的认可。我大学的老师赵秀梅曾经不断督促我 要专注，找到自己的skill在社会上立足，我想我正在接近那个方向。我也感激自己的性格带给了自己庞大的关系网，在社会的各个领域，各个角落。

很多时候我给别人的印象满不在乎，其实我每走的一步我都很在乎，我都认真计划过，认真努力过。

今 年8月份我就到美国满三年了，这三年来，我成长了太多太多，我每个假期都能够幸运的找到实习，这不仅要感谢曾经帮助我的人，更要感谢我自己的不懈努力。三 年中，我每一年都在成长，不仅仅是在身心上， 更多的是在技能上。 是的，妈妈是对的。我不能再责怪自己了，我已经很努力了，有些时候， 结果总要经过多次辗转反侧才能到来。在不断改变策略，应对社会的变化的过程中，我看到了一个更坚强的自己。在我的人生路上，我得到了很多爱，我也付出过我 的爱，只是没有收获过罢了。

我一直有自己的爱好，而且我一直保持着这方面的专业性。我希望和哥哥的创业计划能够执行。谢谢你哥哥！我相信你 ，也相信我。更感谢你老豆 的支持！

写这些东西并不是要宣扬我如何如何，只是想鼓励自己，光明就在不远处了。每个人都有自己的奋斗史，我希望我的这篇也同样精彩。

虽然我未成家，未立业，但是我从来没有浪费过我的人生，虽然没有做到每一分钟都在努力，但我生命中的每一年都是有意义的日子。

我 感谢我的好朋友，陪伴着我，不管我多么的不可理喻。我感谢我的好朋友们， 你们在每个领域作出来的成绩和努力都是让我不断努力的榜样。我感谢我的爸爸妈妈，无论何时都支持着我，耐心的等待着我的开花结果。在我即将毕业的半年中， 我很高兴自己能够在美国政府部门实习，能够从方方面面了解美国。我也知道如果有天我回到祖国，我面临的是怎样的一种情况，虽不是千疮百孔，但一定有很多让 我一时半会儿接受不了的现象。但是这就是生活告诉我的，永远不要放弃希望，只要你聪明的观察这个世界，总有你的天地。

Again,虽未成家，未立业，更不时感到同辈压力，我始终是一个快乐的有梦想的人，是一个接近梦想的人，是一个敢爱敢恨的人，是一个被爱的人。

希望，下一次，我再有感而发的时候，我已成家，也立业，且还能如此快乐

虽然写的东西并不能涵盖所有，但是胜在我有精神将它写完哈哈
而且我也永远不会忘记我和Carly的约定
这里顺便提一下我正在追逐梦想的朋友两名：万儿子和徐红薯
我永远支持你们

          Seriously, this is just a draft but not Radom thinking. There are lots of parts need to be polished. Definitely, but not today.
           Several weeks ago, I watched Twilight together with Cathy. Let alone numerous news about how popular the best-selling book is, the main character Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson continue appearing on gossip magazine as well.
Guess what, I am really fond of this movie, the colors. I read the movie’s director’s journal last Friday at Borders, my favorite quote is:
“Sunshine is the only thing not allowed in this movie.”
            I fell in love with it and began to wonder: oh, this is why I have special feeling about this movie.
When I was growing up, I was portrayed as a sunshine person. I like outdoor sports, soccer, basketball, and hiking, however, nobody knew that wherever I went, I was looking for a shade. Knowing that the concerns I feel were never taken seriously and resulted in appropriate reaction: irritating, I figured out that I like cloudy day.
            I believe that everyone in elementary school had played a game in your art class, by mixing different pigments; you can have as many as completely different colors you want. Dark blue and green were my favorite.
In twilight, since there is no sunshine at all, because of the vampire, thank god. All the colors are in an extremely attractive& dark shape, the woods, the sky, the buildings, the ocean, the sidewalk, and people, they seem unreal but touchable. Speaking of the skin color of Isabella and Edward (and of course other vampires), they look mysterious but peaceful. If you check Kristen and Robert’s pictures on the Internet, common, Common, and common, at least, they are just common Hollywood super teenage stars, Blake lively looks way to better than them in real life.
             I never perceive darkness as an uncertain or scary thing, I find peace in it.
Twilight echoes every aspect of my ideal color, dark and emotionless, and on the other hand, it is a movie about forbidden love.
             I like making people laugh, I need attention, and praise, I like to be loved. However, in between of bright and dark, I choose dark. I went to California last month, a state of beach, sunshine, palm trees, , lobster, starts and entertainment etc.
What attracts me more, the never-ending sequence of mountains in New York State with different colors in Fall and fascinating green in the summer. Colors in East Coast symbolized with the entrance of New York City subway, White house, Capital Hill, and Smithsonian, goes from lighthouse in Sandy Hook Bay to green lawn in West Virginia, flies with the sea wind from Baltimore to the top of Adirondacks, and eventually stop at Niagara Fall in Buffalo.
Born in December and be a Sagittarius for my entire life, I hate restriction. There is another scene I really like is Edward flies with Bella above the mountain and finally stays in the middle of a tree. Flying high above mountain and among the trees is much better than Spiderman’s stretch in the City Sky, and furthermore, the movement among the nature is natural and not fake LOL. I wish, one day, I can fly across the mountain and find the peace in nature. The darkness begins; time to start an adventure with no boundaries.
             Dictionary explains,
            “Twilight, the time of day immediately following sunset “
            “Twilight, the diffused light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon but its rays are refracted by the atmosphere of the earth”
             Ironically, the whole movie was shot in west coast, in Portland, Oregon however, 635 miles from San Francisco, my favorite city in West Coast by far. In addition, Oregon is next to my favorite state in West Coast, Washington. So this is console.
For now, Twilight is not only a movie about vampire or forbidden love, it is also a movie about me describing my life in colors